Tell my mother, tell my father
I have done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I’m not angry, I’m just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Going back to school proved step one of a massive sea-change I needed to make in my life. It started in 2005 with the feeling my usual ways to cope with life did not work anymore. I liked my full-time job at the bookstore, but it provided with no other advancement. I lived at home at the time and remembered this one customer, Portuguese like me, with her parents. Her eyes looked empty; her posture resigned to put duty over making choices.
It scared the hell out me.
I don’t know what happened in her life, but I knew things needed to happen in mine. Around term 3, known as ‘hell term’ in the Library Technician program, Shined0wn released their single. I heard it by chance, possibly thanks to Shaw cable’s streaming music channel. I went out looking for it, bought it on iTunes, then played the hell of it.
Portuguese women, like a significant number of women, actually spend their whole lives trying to seem ‘good.’ Make a good choice, do the good thing, maintain a good reputation. Unfortunately, the definition of ‘good’ looks more like compliance. I have watched good women cut adrift for not complying with some ridiculous, out-dated idea. In 2008, I learned to play the villain to be the hero in my life.
Sometimes saying goodbye to old ideas gives a second chance.