Bearded Guys With Swords

The Last Kingdom just released their new season en masse instead of weekly like they did last year. I suspect the algorithm discovered people bided their time and binged a few at a time or all of it. The show, in nutshell, deals with a Saxon-turned-Dane named Uthred as he walks between two worlds at the service of Alfred The Great or just plain Alfred of Wessex in the show, the guy doesn’t know he’s great yet. If you like Vikings, it’s a good watch-alike or if you like books into screens, it’s based on the novels of Bernard Cornwell, starting with Lords of North.

I tuned up Netflix, had a plate of veggies and hummus in front of me, and fired up season 3. Athowold still remains a weasel, there’s a seer named Skade causing heaps of trouble although if you’re a woman knowing men think with something other than the head on their shoulders, I give her props for playing them like a violin. However, many scenes show she’s a serial killer with stature and out in plain sight, forget is-or-isn’t-she-the-devil she’s just plain cruel.

However, season 3 has made me meditate on an unconscious preference now on the forefront. I have a type and it’s called the Bearded Guys with Swords or BGWS. Further examination of this type has determined the following:

  1. He’s tall
  2. He’s most likely English\Scottish\Irish\Welsh
  3. Can play gritty, hands-dirty, characters with a sword
  4. One-liners optional

While watching Season 3, Uthred played by the fine-featured Alexander Dreymon, has a friend he made while enslaved in season 2 named Finan. At first, I thought Is he Scottish? Irish? I can’t seem to make out the accent. Finan wears a Celtic cross making think Irish, the accent made me wonder but it’s not as annoying as other Irish accents I have heard. PS I Love You comes to mind. Gerry Butler, I like you but, honey, that accent. A little IMDB-ing confirmed why the accent seems to veer off. Every one meet Mark Rowley:

BGWS_1

This is Finan, the character he plays:

Finan

His hair looks a less fuzzy but he also acts as comic relief in some scenes, at times delivering the best lines. The reason why I included his IMDB bio, especially the part about his birthplace because he’s from the same region as the possible getaway drug, patient zero, the guy who started it all:

gerard-butler-workout4x5
Fact: He still has tendonitis issues from getting this physique. there’s a price behind this body and I am not talking money

The best scene in 300 doesn’t involve fighting, it involves a conversation between Queen Gorgo (played by Lena Heady aks Cersei Lannister) as Leonidas debates ignoring his seers and fighting the Persians. Gorgo cups his bearded face and asks ‘What would a free man do.”

Yes, I am a sucker. What of it?

Of course, no discussion would be complete without the successor to the BGWS crown, another kingly type, a bit more introverted compared to the booming voice of Leonidas, in fact, the Spartan king makes this one look like a shy, reluctant type:

73-thorinoakenshieldisportrayedbyrichardarmitagefeb0713ranethi-res

Cue the Taylor Swift lyric:

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for
King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa
And all at once, you are all I want, I’ll never let you go
King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

However, one important criterion for BGWS involves one over-arching trait above simple hotness. *Clears throat* Hear ye, hear ye, I hereby decree a BGWS must not be an asshole, repeat, not an asshole.

Therefore not this guy:

armitage.jpg
Honey, you were on a hot streak of homicidal maniacs. This role came after Hannibal

How can I fit this type into a Match.com profile?

Woman approaching middle age, Queen of her modest kingdom, seeks King. Must be a bearded guy who can handle a sword, preferable over six feet, have a modest king of his own, but not earned via pillaging.

Eeep, it might mean this guy enters a gray area:

rollo

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